First I want to tell everyone that this journal will be very long and it will be filled of all the sad and bad feelings I've felt lately. I am going to tell you a sad story, even if it haves it great moments. But I do warn you, I don't want to kill peoples good mood, so even if you're going to read, I hope it won't break it to much anyway.
Thanks
This feeling started such a long time ago- I have been feeling it pretty often, though it has come and gone whenever it feels like to. It is such a mixed feeling, between sorrow and anger. It feels like everything I do, every single thing I say, is just mess or... Not worth to do/tell. I cannot say that I love something/someone most in this world, because there's always some persons who tells me that I cannot, "I love him more than you, since I has been loving him longer than you." Or "I have been such a fan of them/him/her so much longer than you, you can't be."
See what I mean? My point on things isn't counted anymore. it feels like people is pushing me away because I am so much more different then them. Well, I back off, if I am that bad.
While I was in spain I was thinking of Saxon. You know, the old horse who I love? Well, now I will tell you a terrible thing about him:
A couple of weeks ago when I was stable I went mad at him, since he ran straight into the railing. I think he thought it was open, but he ran straight into it. I yelled at him, but it was probably most that I was afraid that he got hurt. Hopefully he didn't went it anyway. When we were going home, my mom told me a thing in the car. Last time the vet were at the stable.... Well.... She said that he was to old and wouldn't live so long anymore, and best thing would be if we put him down.
I started to cry loud. Every single feeling were running out of me. I knew that this would happen, but not that soon? But that isn't the worst of all:
He's not mine. He will never be. I have just borrowed him from a girl, who's living far away from where I live.
My dad has told me that we have to leave him back to them. But I can't accept that. I will never do. How will I ever go on without him? He, Saxon, who was there those rainy bad days when everything felt like shit? He was there for me that day I got my heart broken at Valentine's Day. He was there to take a ride when I had done a test and it came out well. I just don't want to live without him.
Oh
And for a few days ago I had this terrible mood again. When I was going to sleep I heard on a beautiful song called "My heart is like a river" By Rebecca Lavelle. And I cried again. I cried because I missed Saxon, and all becuse if this stupid love. I had to bite my pillow to not scream by pain. I cried the half night, and after that I couldn't sleep until i put on Finntroll.... Heh, their song is like a lullaby for me.
When I woke up next day I just ran to the stable as fast as I could. When the horses saw me, Saxon took a few steps closer and neighed at me. I got tears in my eyes but smiled. I took he inside to give him food. Meanwhile I brushed him, I was listening at the same song like I had cry by. And guess what? I cried again...
I saw at him and digged my face into his warm fur. I held my arms around his neck while the tears ran down from my eyes. Saxon stopped eating and turned his head aginst me. I saw into his brown, warm and kind eyes and I just knew:
I was the happiest person in the world.
I had spend two fantastic years with this horse. I feel happy for it. But also....
I don't want him to go. I cannot even describe what kind of mood Im in right now. Please, someone.... Just shoot me...
I know I am such a crybaby, but I cannot help it.
The girl who loves Saxon has speaken.
My heart is like a river
My heart is like these hills
They never change
I never change
and I never will
You called and I came running
You cried and now I'm here
So hold this faith
accept our faith
These are little fears
We have enough to guide us
We have enough to last
We're not alone
we never were
you and I aren't lost
Oh hold me very tightly
Hold me fast and strong
I am your love
Won't stray from you
You and I belong
My heart is like a river
My heart is like these hills
They never change
I never change
and I never willListen to the song on youtube, it is so beautiful
Oh! One more thing:
I Love Saxon msot in this world- and you can never change that
//Flame
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Art Trades:
~Closed~
Coloring
Fursonas:
~Closed~
Sketching
Comic:
Page 2: Lineart
Page
Sketching
Page
Sketching
Comic Characters:
Flame
Eldar
Phandomido
Loryen
Uni-San
Minor
Mara
Judge Death
If you want your chara in the comic, tell me. But please I want mostly Supernatural creatures or Monsters. Thanks
My Best friends
*Cool friends and people I watch*
_
Clubs
I am Sugia In dA's Ginga Crew!
[link]My LJ:
[link]The Supermonstar RPG Forum
[link]
Tsuki Sheet
Gargoyle Flame
Tribal Horse
Miserable
Devious Comments
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YAY! I gave you a comment! ^w^
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I'm a glove-lover!
Take it or leave it!
*still on vacation*
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Ni YingGai Pa TiaWu De Gui!!! : O
I Love you like a kid loves candy
........I Love you like a kid loves candy
........I Love you like a kid loves candy
.......I Love you like a kid loves candy
......I Love you like a kid loves candy
.....I Love you like a kid loves candy
....I Love you like a kid loves candy
...I Love you like a kid loves candy
..I Love you like a kid loves candy
.I Love you like a kid loves candy
.I Love you like a kid loves candy
.I Love you like a kid loves candy
..I Love you like a kid loves candy
...I Love you like a kid loves candy
....I Love you like a kid loves candy
.....I Love you like a kid loves candy
......I Love you like a kid loves candy
.......I Love youl like a kid loves candy
........I Love you like a kid loves candy
........I Love you like a kid loves candy
........I Love you like a kid loves candy
.......I Love you like a kid loves candy
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SeNd ThIs To AlL ThE FrIeNdZ ThAt U lUv....N iF ThEy DoNt SeNd It BaCk To U.....ThEiR NoT tRuE FrIeNdZ....
1 person - you are lonely
2 people - you have a couple friends, but not many
3 people - you have a few friends...
4 people - you have some friends...
5 people - you have several friends!
6 people - you have many friends!
7 people - you are SOOOO loved!
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I'm Tora
daughter of Tokimune and Hoero
Hoero who was the daughter of Sing and Riki
Riki who was the father of Ou's Soudaishou Gin
I'm Tokimune in deviantART's Ginga Crew!
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Yo and nice to meet ya!
WARNING: I have bad English!!!
Visit my gallery or Kyuubi eat you!
Best pairing ever:
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Yo and nice to meet ya!
WARNING: I have bad English!!!
Visit my gallery or Kyuubi eat you!
Best pairing ever:
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Meet the bullseye on my page...
Snygga grejer^^
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Meet the bullseye on my page...
Spread the DA love around! (you can copy and paste this message on their userpage!)
RULES:
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3- You should hug them in public! Paste it on their user page!
4- Random hugs are perfectly okay! (and sweet)
5- You should most definitely get started hugging right away!
Send This To All Your Friends, And Me If I Am 1.
If You Get 7 Back You Are Loved!
1-3 you're a bad friend
4-6 you're an ok friend
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10-& Up you're a great friend
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Send this rose to everyone you care about!!
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Hey little Sparta
What's with all the fight?
Little bitty kitty wanna
Bite bite bite
/Text from:Hey little Sparta,aka The Mean Kitty song
Song and text by:Cory "Mr Safety" Williams/
Search for it on YouTube.Very great video! 8D
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Use the talents you possess - for the woods would be a very silent place if no birds sang except for the best. ~Henry Van Dyke
Avatar by *Tzyoku
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Yo and nice to meet ya!
WARNING: I have bad English!!!
Visit my gallery or Kyuubi eat you!
Best pairing ever:
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Mitch
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My brain is like Einstein's - Dead since 1955
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I'm Tora
daughter of Tokimune and Hoero
Hoero who was the daughter of Sing and Riki
Riki who was the father of Ou's Soudaishou Gin
I'm Tokimune in deviantART's Ginga Crew!
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